I made a New Years' resolution last year.
I don't even remember what now.
It doesn't really matter.
Because like most New Years' resolutions,
I broke it two days later.
I know that because I wrote it in my journal.
I do that a lot.
Break things, I mean.
Promises, hearts (haha, right), social commitments, dates with my treadmill.
And even though I am a notoriously bad New Years' resolution maker,
there were definitely things that I wanted to change in 2012.
I thought about making a list.
But giving it's past performance, I thought against it.
I thought I'd discuss it with The Hero.
But when he said he really wanted to lose the six pounds he'd put on over the holidays
by the end of the month,
I bit my clenched fist to keep from punching him.
I reread some of my blog posts, journal entries and simply sought the status of my heart in 2011.
In all that reading, there was a theme that blared out in my words and heart: hectic.
So as I prayed and pondered over whether the only thing I would carry over from
2011 was my growing jean size,
I asked that God would reveal to me just a word that I could carry with me through this year.
There were several instances that confirmed that my word would be a complete about face from last year's pace.
2012 for me will be if nothing else:
Everything I do.
Every word I speak.
Every word I write/type.
I want Him in the middle of each step, each family dinner, every load of laundry.
I want to be conscious of every dollar we spend, saving more and giving more.
With each of the relationships I have, I pray for them to be more full.
To stop throwing things together and start knitting them in unity.
I long to seek a solid breath of life, instead of the raspy pant of busyness.
We will say "no thank you" to extracurricular activities and
cuddle on the couch for a little bit extra togetherness.
I want to wear my faith, instead of checking the box marked "saved".
I don't want to make new friends until I have dove head first into the ones before me.
(So if we know each other in 'real' life, watch out.)
While being intentional may seem slower, I pray it will not burn less passionately.
Hopefully, it will only burn longer.
I want to be a better spouse, bringing honor to The Hero.
A woman who respects his authority in our family,
and desires to make his home a place where he is at rest.
(I've read those verses about a nagging wife,
and The Hero's back won't take him living on our roof)
A home where we practice hospitality, cry when the need arises, dance when the music is good,
laugh when it's funny and pour grace on every square inch of what we've been given.
Because that is what He has done for us.
And because there is never enough grace.
I want to be a woman from whom The Angel can seek for a good example,
and from whom The Dinosaur will learn the difference between a lady and all the rest.
I want to eat less and sweat more.
I want to speak softer and write louder.
I pray our family creates memories instead forcing togetherness.
And I will expect more from you.
More discussions, more participation in the tough stuff,
more screaming from our laptops for kids who need us,
and exploring these Wednesdays for what they were originally intended:
for us to be INTENTIONAL together as women.
Perhaps being intentional will mean less of some things, and that's ok.
I am most excited about the depth of what is left.
So let's get started: INTENTIONALLY!