This Mama's Boy

I wonder if all parents have ridiculous expectations of their children.

I know I did. 

Ok. 

Most days, I still do. 

Adopting The Angel and The Dinosaur was The Hero & I's first foray into the world of parenting.

I had amazing hopes and dreams.

Crayons, giggles, painting toe nails, family vacations, attachment with cuddles and perfect family pictures.

When we discovered from our referral that we would have not one child but two, I was elated. 

I secretly hoped our little boy would be a mama's boy.

I was devastated to learn that our son was anything but. 

Daddy was needed for everything. 

Sports, cutting his steak, tying his shoes, watching him do a number of jumps off our furniture. 

He only asked for one person.
 

Daddy.
 

It was like a cuss word to me in our house. 

Almost four years later, The Dinosaur is still Daddy obsessed.
 

Daddy is still requested for almost everything.
 

Except in the still of the morning when no one else is awake but he and I. 

When he grabs a blanket and asks to be cuddled just a little longer. 

When tired still grips him and he takes me by the hand to help him get dressed. 

Or when he wants to be swaddled after a bath and asks if I'll sit next to him.

Nights when he can't fall asleep and he asks for me to hold his hand until he closes his eyes.

These are the moments I treasure the most.
 

And although sometimes it does hurt that in public he defers to Daddy always,

I'll keep his little secret.
 

I heard the amazing Kristen Howerton lead a small breakout session at Idea Camp back in September and she discussed how attachment for adopted children is different that what we normally think it should look like for biological kids.
That attachment isn't always hugs and cuddles.

The relief I felt in that moment was three and a half years of guilt flowing out of me.
I fought back tears as she described the expectations we have for our adoptive children.
And WE want it to look/feel/be a certain way.
 

He and I's relationship is supposed to look different. 

Because it is different. 

I am still his mama. 

And he is still my son.

And THAT makes him this mama's boy.
 

Christmas In July

Having kids almost five years apart can be challenging, I'm learning. Remember? Still new to this mom thing. And some times I'm just slow on the uptake. But having kids five years apart AND being of two different genders is, well, like a remake of Cowboys v. Aliens. The Dino's favorite game is "How to Hack Off My Big Sister In The Shortest Amount of Time." He beats his record almost daily now.
The Princess's favorite game is "Let's See How Loud I Can Huff At EVERY. THING. My Brother Says." I stopped counting her decibel levels a year ago.
The Hero and I have been trying really hard to maintain our patience and remind them that continuing to drive their parents crazy will only end up with all of us in the loony bin.  But I hear the loony bin cooks for you three meals a day AND does the laundry. And "NO", I have no googled loony bins in our area. Maybe tomorrow.

So tonight when they had been together less than thirty minutes and their were both ready to play their individual games with one another, I called a time out. I set them both down together and announced that if they really were serious about wanting  a brother and/or a sister to come home and live with us from Ethiopia, then they were going to have to get along. We just couldn't bring another person into our family if they were not going to be nice to the family members we already have because that wouldn't be fair to anyone. I asked them both to pray over dinner and ask God to help them know and love their sibling here and their sibling(s) to come, so that we could be the family God wants us to be.

Guys...I cannot make this stuff up. They both prayed and asked for patience, love and kindness towards one another and that God would prepare their other siblings for them as well. It was all I could do to choke back the tears.

They've been asleep now for almost an hour. I can't be sure because I didn't hear the angels announce it from heaven, but I think the Lord Jesus has come back to earth. Or my children have been inhabited by aliens. All evening they have been amazing to one another. They snuggled on the couch during a movie, they have "pleased" and "thank you'd" each other almost to death and while I was cleaning dishes, I heard The Dino say "NO! I WANT to carry your shoes to your room. Because I love you!"

I write you all tonight to document this event, so that this Mommy may have a reminder in the morning when the squealing over "He-got-more-orange-juice-than-me" starts, I can remember that for an entire evening, for the first time, I remember thinking "there really is Christmas in July."

Going Home

When I was a teenager, preparing to leave my parents home for college,
my dad  had a joke for me.
He use to say "you know Sis. They say you can never go home again."
I'd laugh.
And wonder if he was serious.
As the oldest of three, maybe they were ready for me to leave.
To be gone, to never return.
If I really could never load up my car and spend summers on their couch,
raiding their refrigerator and forgetting that there was life outside
the cocoon they had lovingly created.

 I'm sure they took it hard when I left down that long, winding road for college.
21 miles due north.
Despite the distance, I saw them at least once a week.
And talked to them at least four times.
Sometimes all in one day.
It took a solid 20 minutes from my dorm room parking lot
to their gravel drive way.

The summer between college and law school I moved home.
My dad changed his joke.
"Sis, they say you can't go home again."
"But I have no idea who 'they' are, so feel free to come home whenever you want."

I never did move home after that summer.
I think a part of me regrets it to this day.
I mean, who doesn't love your mom making breakfast and doing your laundry?
(I wonder if she'll move back in. :)

Law school meant studying and studying meant late nights at the library.
I kept an apartment on the west side of campus,
north in the City,
almost 40 miles from my parents' front porch.
Then The Hero appeared and well, I had a new home.
Wherever he laid his head was my address.

But I never forgot Dad's reminder.
That if I ever needed a place to rest, to relax, to be who I am,
that the front door is always open.
It's one of the first things I want my children to know about The Hero and I:
The front door is always open.
You can always go home.


When I left you lovely blog readers last, we had a dilemma in our adoption planning.

One blank to fill, so that there would be less blanks in our family pictures.

I fought it.

Hard.

With prayer and Italian heritage stubbornness,
I knew there was no way God was calling us back home.
The Hero and The Angel were adamant I was wrong.
The Dinosaur was unpersuasive.
Could we return to the land I loved again?
Wouldn't God place us some where else?
Why could this country, these people, that boy, those memories, why couldn't they be still.

Why couldn't they let me be still?
Why was I always called back there?

And then one day, it hit me.

Dad's words from so long ago.

Because this place, that boy, those memories, they were one thing to me:
HOME.

That continent that hangs on my neck,
that stirs in my heart.

That landscape where our ministry, our business, our family rooted and grew.

The treasures we'd already received from being there once before.

(Yes. The Dino is in a dress. The Hero continues to lament my failures

 to parent while he's at the fire station.)

The culture we've come to accept as part of our own.

Those faces LoPa Art fell in love with and advocate for through Children's HopeChest

(You can STILL sponsor a child at Hands For the Needy, but you better hurry only 20 of our 210 kiddos remain.)

That place with the hurt and the anguish.

And then there's that boy.

Would we ever be able to adopt him?

With our without him through adoption, he is our life.

Our family.

Our love.

I could no longer be arrogant that the only other Ethiopian child I could love

would have to be that boy.

So yes, dear reader, our next adoption will lead us here:

to this flag,

to this place



but if nothing else, it will lead our children: HOME.

And home is always a place you can go.

How Do You Choose?

We have an agency.

We are home study ready.

Our finger print application can be sent off ASAP.

Only a few minor tweaks need to be made to our paper work.

And then there is one glaring blank:

Country:______________

For about four weeks now, we've been asked to fill in that blank.

Our family vote has been  bottle necked.

Two votes Ethiopia.

One votes India.

Mommy's vote can tie it up or give direction.

The Angel and The Hero are set that it's Ethiopia.

The Dinosaur just likes screaming "I'm an Indian."

(I have no idea why this is fun. But he loves saying it.)

So at dinner each night as we pray, we've been asking for direction.

We've received nothing but silence.

To be honest, I'm not sure He cares.

Don't get me wrong.

I know He has a plan and that He has chosen a very specific person(s) to join our clan.

But we know what the Word says.

The mandate is out there for us to receive.

And now that our eyes have been opened we know what to do.

But like all things, we have a choice.

Geography is up to us.

He is leading our every step, He's waiting on us to choose to fill in the blank.

Yarn Braids!

The Angel had been driving me nuts to try a new hairstyle for her.

Monday afternoon, I found a YouTube video on yarn braids.
I had my doubts on my abilities and since we knew from the video that the process would take at least 4-5 hours, we thought we'd give us a learning curve at shoot for being done in 6.

We made each other two promises:

1.) The Angel could complain every 20 minutes.

2.) Mommy got scream "Uncle" when enough was enough.

Monday night we went for a solid four hours.

Mommy screamed "Uncle" at 10:00p.m.

And with one-half of her hair braided, we headed for bed.

But last night, we finished and while Mommy knew practice would make better,

The Angel was THRILLED!

She's been swinging her long hair from side to side every time I catch her standing still.

And Mommy is praying that the estimation of the braids lasting 4-6 weeks

is completely accurate!

Baby Jesse

I had two friends send me messages about Baby Jesse today.

I am convicted about posting her story, because I believe some one reading this is her family.

Baby Jesse was born at 30 weeks gestation.

She is in Taiwan and has been diagnosed with "possible Cerebral Palsy."

Her medical history is somewhat of a mystery,

but this baby needs a family.

Her family is out there.

Perhaps they are right here.

Reading this.

If you think you are Baby Jesse's family,

go here and read this post.

Even if you are not Baby Jesse's family,

repost and spread the word.
Let's find this angel's family.

I was going through old pictures a few days ago,

getting ready to put together a collage for The Angel and The Dinosaur.

It's their second Christmas with us.

WHOA!

I never believed time gets spent this fast.

As we were looking at birthdays and holidays

and pics of funny faces,

this one appeared,

out of place in my digital file of pictures.
It is from a Christmas past.

Three to be exact.

This face wasn't yet my daughter.

She was still an orphan.

And she was watching a friend leave for her new home.

With her new family.

The Angel looked at the picture.

She smiled and just said

"I remember that day."

"That was the day my last friend left Africa."

Tonight as I tuck my daughter into bed,

there are millions just like her all over the world.

Maybe some even in our neighborhood,

who are standing at the gate,

watching,

waiting,

praying

for their turn.

Their chance to have a home.

What are we going to do about it?

Christmas Carols

I love Christmas music.

It starts playing Thanksgiving Day and I am the annoying person who leaves it on until sometime

after the New Year.

The kids and I sing them every morning on the way to school.

But this year,

I can't sing this one without choking up.

Can you?

Our precious Thai bab(ies) we are missing you this Christmas.

But The Maker of stars is guiding our paths together.

And we are headed straight to you.

So that He will receive all the glory.

Last Christmas

For the last couple of years, I've kept a list of awesome gift ideas that give back.

I tried really hard to coordinate another list this year.

But I can't.

It's not really a time constraint, but more of like a heart constraint.

Between The Hero and I, I think we've bought five gifts this year.

We've bought the kids a couple of things, but they don't really care about toys.

And clothes are really boring.

As I think about our kid(dos) across the globe in Thailand,

I doubt he/she/they are thinking about toys, or snow (i know they aren't thinking that)

or how many different candies they will eat on Christmas.

I'm sure that my child(ren) are thinking about whether this year will be the year

they will get a family, a safe place to call their own.

And it devastates me that for Christmas 2011, they won't.

Our home study isn't completed.

Our dossier isn't yet submitted.

Our referral hasn't been given.

And so we wait.

For another Christmas.

Another shopping season that no one will remember next year,

let alone next month.

I saw a woman post today on facebook about this girl.
Her name is Shannon.

Shannon is 13.

She'll be 14 in two months.

She is a waiting child from China.

And Shannon has a Christmas wish:

A family.

You see, this is Shannon's last chance.

Her last Christmas wish for her heart's desire.

Someone to call her their own.

In China, once she turns 14, she will never have the opportunity to be adopted.
Her two best friends were adopted not long ago and living in America.

Shannon begs for them to find her a home.

And she only has two more months.

So while we are all making our lists and checking the Internet for great deals,

Shannon is on her knees, begging that her Mommy and Daddy come soon.

Tonight, I'm on my knees for Shannon too.

My shopping list would be to find her a family.

It's her last Christmas.

Please repost this and share her story.

If you know anyone who is home study ready and even better if their LOA is logged into China,

please direct them to Kelly at chosenchild@gmail.com

My friend Lindsay posted an amazing post with links to

gifts that give back and you can check that out here.

Christmas is Two Days Early This Year

On November 29th, 2009, my sister and her husband relocated to Phoenix

for a new adventure in their life.

On November 30th, 2009,

The Hero and I began a new adventure of our own:

Parenthood.

Laura had barely pulled in her new driveway when I called

to tell her about our referral.

It was the oddest moment of elation and devastation of my life.

While I couldn't wait to get the kids, Laura and I both wondered

how my kids would ever bond with someone who lived a 1000 miles away.

The next time I saw her, I was getting off the airplane in OKC

with two kids.

Jetlag, exhaustion, and acclimating to our life at home

would have been unbearable if she and Brian hadn't been there our first week.

They did the laundry, the grocery shopping, the rocking for nap-time,

while I tried to pull my head out of the whirlwind of the last two weeks.

Coming face to face with motherhood and abject poverty for the first time

took a toll on my heart and my brain.

At the end of that first week, The Angel knew she had a mother.

And an aunt.

Whom she adored.

Aunt LaLa was all she wanted for her first birthday home.

Our first Christmas was amazing.
There were lots of smiles.

LOTS of laughs.
(I think he looks like the seamstress from The Incredibles :)

Too many gifts that neither of the kids remember a year later.
And while every one was amazing and made their first Christmas perfect,
it was definitely noted that there were two presents missing.
We skyped the entire Christmas morning, letting LaLa and Papa Chu
watch each gift being opened,
each toy being played with and
watching The Dinosaur terrorize us all with his dump truck.
At the end of the day, Laura sent me a message,
telling me that 2010 would be last Christmas my kids were small
that she wouldn't be sitting in my living room.
I told her I was going to hold her to that,
but wouldn't tell the kids.
So as we made our lists this year for what they wanted to unwrap,
The Angel again requested her favorite thing:
LaLa.
and maybe, just maybe if he was good,
she'd let Papa Chu come along.


So for Christmas 2011,
THEY ARE COMING HOME!!!!
I waited for as long as I could to tell the kids.
About two minutes after I knew.

So while they won't care about presents.
And some fat man squeezing in our fireplace doesn' t mean anything.
Santa and his entire magical entourage could carry
Laura and Brian's bags from the airport,
and The Angel and The Dinosaur wouldn't notice.
Because:
There will be popcorn,
dancing,
cheering,
celebrating,
and probably costumes

there will be giggles,
laughter,
playing ball in the house
and breaking all of Mommy's rules.

There will be late nights,
pillow fights,
sleeping in late
and cereal for dinner.

The Angel is beside herself.
She is so excited that she has turned her
paper-chain, Advent calendar from school into a
"Countdown to Aunt Laura coming".
But I haven't told her they will be here on the 23rd.
I want to see the look on her face:

Christmas comes two days early this year.

You Think She Wants A Sibling?

Last Wednesday was our home study.

We had been talking about it with The Angel and The Dinosaur for weeks.

Because those of you who have adopted before know that

once a social worker steps foot in your house,

your children know one thing:

You cannot kill them.

We seriously could entertain the entire House and Senate at our dinner table

and The Angel and The Dinosaur would behave normally.

But the level of heathen behavior at the Andrews' household is

paramount when we have a post-placement visit.

We encouraged The Angel and The Dinosaur to mind their manners,

don't scream at one another and generally attempt to act as if we

are trying to teach them to be upright, outstanding citizens.

(Our last two post placement visits,

The Hero and I were convinced The Dinosaur might sprout horns and

The Angel had a megaphone inserted into her lungs.)

Sure enough, the door bell rings on Wednesday and the kids fling the door open.

Completely forgetting "Stranger Danger."

But things started to go badly when The Dinosaur brought down his piggy bank.

Remember, it wasn't two months ago he swallowed copper?

He dumped his entire savings on the floor, and began swimming through them.

And immediately became bored.

As The Dinosaur did cartwheels off our furniture,

The Angel quietly sat on the floor between our social worker

and The Hero and I.

And only interrupted to ask me to take a picture of her new creation.

She's good.

Real good.

And she's ready for a sibling.

Twas The Night Before Homestudy

Some comic relief for you tonight:

Twas the night before home study

and all through the house.

Every creature is whirring, even a mouse.

The laundry was thrown about without care

even knowing a social worker soon would be there.

The children were spazzed bouncing on their beds

while visions of a new sibling danced in their heads

With mama in her headband and dad in his cap

had just geared up for a long nights'

When out in the kitchen, it arose such a clatter

Daddy sprang from the couch to see what was the matter

Away to the compactor, he flew like a flash

tore open the door and threw out the trash

The two day old mess at the bottom of the can

gave a putrid smell to the entire Andrews clan

When what to our watering eyes should appear

but a collection of garbage that should incite fear.

With a gag and a hurl that came fast and so quick

We knew in a moment it might make us sick.

More rapid than eagles his commands they came

and he whistled and shouted and called them by name

"Come Angel Come Dino bring cleaner and spray"

"bring comet bring clorox, let's get the smell out the way"

To the top of the can to the bottom of the bag

now dash away dash away, we scrubbed with a rag

So out of the house top the kiddos they flew

with the bag full of trash and the nasty smell too.

I heard them explain as they went out the front door

"No smelly trash in the house no more."

Orphan Sunday

Today was Orphan Sunday.

A day set aside for remembrance, prayer and advocacy for children who have no family.

We hadn't talked about Orphan Sunday at home.

We didn't even mention it today.

Usually, questions about adoption, birth parents and/or Africa are elicited by The Angel.

But for the first time ever in the car today, a question came from the Dinosaur.

We had just been answering his questions about the blue car next to us, when we were met with:

"Mommy?"

"Yes, son."

"Our first dad died before in Africa?"

The Hero and I just stared at each other for a moment.

I didn't know what to say for a minute.

In her perfect, adorable way, The Angel beat me to it.

"Yep. Our Ethiopian daddy died after our Ethiopian Mommy did. That's why we live here."

The Hero and I made a brief, forgettable statement after that and The Dinosaur

went back to jabbering about the cars on the road.

Even in his precious three year old mind, my son knows that we are a hybrid family.

While I am thankful and selfishly want to believe that God planned our family since the beginning of time, that is only my selfishness.

Adoption is only God's perfect plan when it regards us being adopted into His family.

Adoption here on earth is a very messy, imperfect plan, not even close to plan B.

I believe that God placed our children with The Hero and I by weaving our lives together.

And for that huge gift, we are forever grateful.

But the original design was for The Angel and The Dinosaur to live with their birth parents.

Being orphaned in a fallen world changed that original design.

Many people have questioned why we are adopting again.

They ask things like:

"Are you worried how it will affect The Angel and The Dinosaur?"

"Why more kids, you guys were so lucky to get to great kids the first time."

"Are you sure that you guys are ready for that?

These questions really just piss me off, and I don't believe they deserve an answer.

So now that you've been warned, please don't ask.

Our answer is simply this:

The Hero and I believe that God sets the lonely in families,

not in orphanages,

or group homes,

or foster care.

While adoption is not a perfect plan, an orphanage or being in foster care isn't acceptable.

And until He returns in His glory,

and there are no more kids who need homes,

The Hero and I never want to look back and wonder on an Orphan Sunday,

"I wonder what our family would look like if (insert a kid's name) hadn't been with us?"

And really, who wouldn't want these kiddos sitting at their table:

Orphan Sunday is not a day to celebrate,

it is a day to we should attempt to abolish.

I believe I have a calling in that challenge,

and I believe so do you.

I don't believe it is only through adoption.

Sponsorship, financial giving, advocacy and adoption are all a part.

Excited to hear how you all are striving to end the orphan crisis.

National Adoption Month: Sibling Adoption

A lot of people questioned The Hero and I when we decided to adopt a sibling set. As first time parents, there were always questions about how we'd go from no kids to two and what our adjustment period would be like. Believe me, The Hero and I did question it a lot, but over and over again we felt as though if the Lord was calling us to it, He wouldn't leave us in the middle. Since both The Hero and I had siblings, we knew we would eventually adopt again; why not bring home a sibling set?
It definitely wasn't always peaches and cream. Having two new personalities in the house was challenging at first, but seeing the bond between The Dinosaur and The Angel is priceless.
Every country has different requirements and standards for adoption. At the time, Ethiopia had a rule that siblings were not allowed to be separated; which meant the couples open to sibling sets were dramatically reduced, therefore lessening their probability for adoption.
After coming home with The Angel and The Dinosaur, The Hero and I promised that we would continue to advocate for waiting children and sibling groups.
Meet Chrystyna and Karen.
Chyrstyna and Karen are siblings living in the Ukraine. Karen is a 15 year old who is a typical teenager who is waiting for her new family. Chrystyna's medical charts state that she has some developmental delays but provides no specifics as to her needs. These adorable princesses are ready for adoption immediately, as Karen will soon age out of the Ukrainian system and will be on her own.




The girls are being advocated for by Reece's Rainbow . If you go to Reece's website, you can donate to the girls' adoption funds and read more about their profiles. Also, consider signing up for Reece's Warrior program, where you can use your blog and social media to raise money for a child who needs a family this Christmas.

National Adoption Awareness Month: Meet Sergey

Happy National Adoption Month! I'm going to try and post each day about a family whose adopting or kids who are awaiting being adopted.

Meet Sergey. Look at those eyes!

He is a Ukrainian teenager who believed that there was a family coming to adopt him, but at the last minute, the family had a change of plans. Sergey is being advocated for by The Eli Project and currently has a $1000 grant towards his adoption. You can go here and read his profile.