Nov 11, 2013

This Mama's Boy

I wonder if all parents have ridiculous expectations of their children.
I know I did. 
Most days, I still do. 
Adopting The Angel and The Dinosaur was The Hero & I's first foray into the world of parenting.
I had amazing hopes and dreams.
Crayons, giggles, painting toe nails, family vacations, attachment with cuddles and perfect family pictures.
When we discovered from our referral that we would have not one child but two, I was elated. 
I secretly hoped our little boy would be a mama's boy.
I was devastated to learn that our son was anything but. 
Daddy was needed for everything. 
Sports, cutting his steak, tying his shoes, watching him do a number of jumps off our furniture. 
He only asked for one person.
It was like a cuss word to me in our house. 
Almost four years later, The Dinosaur is still Daddy obsessed.
Daddy is still requested for almost everything.
Except in the still of the morning when no one else is awake but he and I. 
When he grabs a blanket and asks to be cuddled just a little longer. 
When tired still grips him and he takes me by the hand to help him get dressed. 
Or when he wants to be swaddled after a bath and asks if I'll sit next to him.
Nights when he can't fall asleep and he asks for me to hold his hand until he closes his eyes.
These are the moments I treasure the most.
And although sometimes it does hurt that in public he defers to Daddy always,
I'll keep his little secret.
I heard the amazing Kristen Howerton lead a small breakout session at Idea Camp back in September and she discussed how attachment for adopted children is different that what we normally think it should look like for biological kids.
That attachment isn't always hugs and cuddles.
The relief I felt in that moment was three and a half years of guilt flowing out of me.
I fought back tears as she described the expectations we have for our adoptive children.
And WE want it to look/feel/be a certain way.
He and I's relationship is supposed to look different. 
Because it is different. 
I am still his mama. 
And he is still my son.
And THAT makes him this mama's boy.

No comments: