Then She Shows Up

 

 

 

 

She was one of the first people I told the night we lost my brother.

As The Hero drove to my parents house , I texted my out of state soul sister

begging for scripture and prayers.

 

She was working on both within minutes.

 

She was adamant about flying in for the funeral.

I begged her to stay; I knew we would be unable to just be with everything else going on.

 

She checked on me constantly.

Lifted me up so deeply and fervently I could feel it.

And then came the day she just showed up.

 

In real life.

 

On my doorstep.

 

Four states away from Colorado to Oklahoma.

 

 

 

 

 

With her amazing little family.

All five of them.

Four full days of friendship. 

Friendship that has gone beyond Amy and I and has infected our children and husbands. 

A true blending of hearts and lives.

 

  We played with our kids,

laughed and cried together

and spent an entire afternoon engaging one another while moving two tons of

dirt and mulch in our backyard garden.

 

Our kids were actually begging us to go out again and play in the dirt some more!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She offered to take me out to dinner or shopping

just the two of us on more than one occasion.

 

And while we did get some great "mommy time",

what I needed most in those four days was just the presence

 of my friend and her little family.

To embrace our kids and giggle at kid antics and

sibling quarrels and to be reminded that friendship

is never completely what we bring to a relationship.

It is not only the sum of what we can offer someone else.

 

It is the ebb and flow of what we give to and what we take away

 from one another that makes it deep and pure and yes, even holy.

 

She gave all of herself and I hope she took away a new appreciation for how amazing she is at meeting somebody in their suffering.

 

I gave her a glimpse into my hurt and the hole in my heart and took

from that the knowledge that we are not meant to suffer alone.  

 

An example of Earth as it is in Heaven.

Perfection in my recent darkness.

 

My little family was devastated to see them pull out of our driveway.

We were renewed and revived just by spending time together.

 

Then my amazing friend drove four states home and wrote a blog post about what a gift it was to serve me and mine during our suffering and the meaning 

of just showing up in the midst of someone's hurt.

 

And show up she did.

 

In so many ways, with very little words

and yet in the middle of grieving,

it was everything myself and my little family needed it to be.

 

 

Small Group Isn't So Small Any More

When The Hero and I decided to adopt almost three years ago,

we prayed for a lot of things.

Direction, guidance, finances, patience were all at the top of our list.

But we knew that in addition we would need an army to stand behind us.

People who would lift us up in prayer and in spirit.

We didn't know anyone who was adopting or had ever adopted

and we begged heaven to send us people to walk this journey with us.

Like He usually does, God gave us more than what we expected.

We didn't know it at the time, but God had formed a small group from our church

that began meeting at our house once a week to decide how to do life;

and how to do it together.

Several months into our meetings, we learned that two other couples

were praying about their roads to becoming families.

Of the four families, only one had kids at the time.

This picture was taken last month at our house.

Every kid in this picture is adopted.

I love watching God work.

We know have to meet at church for small group and hire a babysitter to watch

the EIGHT kids between our five families.

Small group isn't so small any more.

Women Wednesday: Fear

Ephesians 4:1-2 "...I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."

I'm already regretting writing these posts.

As I sit here praying over why,

I already know the answer.

Fear.

There.

I said it.

I'm scared.

Afraid of offending someone,

saying the wrong thing,

or simply not conveying what I want to say.

Give me a task, a job, a complex legal issue, advocating for a client;

add solid research, coffee and a forum for debate;

and I'm alive.

It's the lifeblood of who I am.

It's the cape I wrap around my shoulders in order to hide the insecurities;

the achievement badge that adorns my life's sash of meritorious attributes.

While I fail at almost everything else, being at my place,

in God's universe,

making succinct data of the chaos is salve to my heart.

And reminds me that at least, here,

I am not a total failure.

And for the rest of who I am, hope to be and was in the future,

it's covered in caution tape.

Because there is fear.

I think it is the best lie that the Devil ever spun.

He can apply it to so many things with us, ladies.

With his snarky laugh he reminds us

You won't be friends if she knows _____________ about you.

She'll never understand that you don't have it all together.

Don't be yourself, just follow everything that she does.

Blah. Blah.Blah.

Excuse.

Excuse.

Excuse.

And it keeps us from each other.

From growing and learning through one another.

And we know better.

I'm reading Blue Like Jazz by Don Miller.

There is a scene where Don moves into a house with 6 dudes to experience community.

I cringed while I read, because being locked in a house

with 6 other women might as well be torture for me.

No thanks, I'll take Water boarding for 200 Alex.

Why?

Fear.

Fear of being judged, unliked, not having it all together or knowing that the facade that you have sewn is just a cape your wrap around yourself to hide your insecurities.

I think the older we get, the more activities our children have

and the more "stuff" we pack in our days, we lose the ability to smile to the mom in the car pool line, ask our daycare worker how today REALLY was or seek out a woman we know could use an ear and a cup of coffee.

I think that while Don's experience in Blue Like Jazz is a great example of community,

I don't believe community is only experienced in our houses.

I think it's experienced in our hearts.

So why do I fear letting a girlfriend really know me?

My top three would have to be:

1.) Having someone know how guilty I feel certain days for being a working mom.

2.) Sharing that I struggle daily to follow Christ.

3.) Discovering how true community might shake me from my comfortable cape of selfishness.

So here's to putting aside the fear, and getting messy with one another.

I encourage you this week to put aside the fear of engaging in a new relationship this week and re-set that coffee date (Layla, name the time and place), stop just a little longer to talk and seek community with a fellow sister.

Women Wednesdays

I don't think God "talks" to me. I've known and heard about Him talking to other people, but not me. He pushes, urges me through His word, nudges me and then there are the slaps in the face. Those are usually the things that I'm reminded of again and again until it eats me to the core and I can't stop thinking about it.

For about the last year, I've been feeling pushed to approach my phobia of women and female relationships in general here on my blog. It grows stronger and stronger with each blog post I write and as I sit thinking about each next blog post, the topic looms over me. And I feel Him pushing me outside my comfort zone. Him asking me to put my issues and fears and insecurities aside and just trust Him. And Him alone.

So each Wednesday for awhile, I'll be posting my thoughts about misconceptions, stereotypes and issues that we women face together, separate, how the enemy uses those to his advantage and what the good Lord is teaching me about such things. I'm calling it Women Wednesdays. If you have topics that you want to discuss or approach in prayer, leave a comment or send me an email. I don't want this to be the complaining post, but a place where we learn more about community with one another and individually toward Jesus.

I hope that you'll join me. Maybe together we will grow a little deeper and learn a little something about one another, ourselves and all of the in between.

Remember to vote on the tab to the right. Our next adoption is a waiting child(ren) and we are giving a giveaway for the first weeks/months of our journey. We'll reveal a little more about our waiting child(ren) each week until we've told you as much as we can. This week we are voting on how many children we are bringing into our home. Leave a comment and then vote and we'll draw next week and the winner will receive a "Worth the Wait" shirt of our remaining inventory.