Six Weeks Waiting

Today marks six weeks of being on the wait list. There are moments when time seems to stop and stand still and then there are times I look up and think "hmm...a whole week has gone by, where was I?" I am grateful for both of those kind of moments. There are so many situations and places that I stop and think "this situation would be so different if our kids were here." And as Le and I watch the last bits of our laziness, freedom and flexibility fade away, I grow increasingly more excited. Highchairs, booster seats, toys cluttering the living room, bedtime prayers and tons of hugs and kisses flood my dreams.

As you know from previous posts,the last week has been pretty amazing for me and I am loving watching God work this up close and personal. I am excited for things to come and I want to know even more intimately how God plans on using me for His glory and I plan on blogging about it. But until our children are home, my Monday posts are reserved for the children that rule my heart, not just for the ones I call "mine" but all those who will never know the warmth of a bed, the feel of a kiss good night or the love of a mom and dad. I pray for them the most. I challenge you all: what can we do for them?

God Be The Solution

There are days that the statistics and sheer number of people who are in need over power me. It hurts my heart and all I want to do is cry. To shut down and hide would be the easy solution. But then I am reminded that it is my Savior who is mightier than hunger, clothing, famine, war and poverty. And it is only through my Savior that this world will be saved.

I had a very amazing weekend last weekend which introduced me to some great warrior women and some great Hillsong music. The song "Solution" has stuck with me all week (thanks Amy) and this week as my precious friends begin their travel to Uganda to be the hands and feet of Jesus, may those of us who are left behind begin to think, plot and plan how WE can be the hands and feet in our everyday lives to those in need. And remember, that GOD is the solution, we just to be lucky enough to be invited to aid Him while He works. Thank you Jesus for finding anything worthwhile in me to allow me to join YOU in this journey.
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5 Weeks Waiting

Today marks the 5 week mark of waiting. Each day brings more anticipation and wonder, but I know that everything is in God's timing. I just can't wait to see their faces and know their identities. But lately my prayers have been more intense for those children who will not get adopted and that breaks my heart even more than waiting for my own children to come home. I wonder what else I can do to help those left behind? This re-occurring thought will be discussed more, once God's worked out the details, but I know that I can do something and that breathes a little bit of hope.

The Sum of All My Fears

I hate flying + I hate being vulnerable + I hate being in new situations without preparation + I hate women = Things you probably didn't know about me. I don't hate all women or any woman in fact, but having deep, emotional connections to women and allowing them to know me on a personal level is a big no-no for me. Like most of you, I've been hurt before. I've been lied to, deceived, and been left holding the bag for women whom I have once loved. And unfortunately, I've doled out my share of lies, deception and fake relationships for appearances sake. And to top if off, I am a bad friend. Too busy, too tired, too (and in any other excuse and I've made it) and I stay at home, safely in my cocoon of not getting hurt.
I grew up being every guys' best friend. I wasn't "hot" enough to date, but I could laugh, give them advice and listen. It's no wonder that I chose a profession where men reign. That's where I connect. It's where I'm at my best. I fit. Take a little aggression, honest flirtation, and no judgement and you have a relationship with a man. Women are harder. Too many emotions, listening (actively), and commitment are involved with girls. And then comes the rejection, the letdown, hurt feelings or complete changes in one person's life which renders the relationship extinct or on terminal hold.
I have had some great girlfriends in my life, but they're what I would call in inactive status. And that is completely my fault.
Through this adoption/blogging process I've met a lot of women who I've come to adore online, but I've never let get too close to me. Until recently.
This past weekend, one of my favorite bloggers and fellow facebook friend, hosted a fundraiser in Cincinnati. Another fellow blogger was flying in from Florida to attend. I happily sent encouraging texts and emails and comments about how much fun they would have. And then they asked me to go. To meet in person, to spend 3 days together, allow them to learn about me, seemed too scary, too big of a commitment. I gave myself a hundred excuses I could use: money, work, schedule, school (i'm not in school at the moment). I could stay safely at home. But God's gentle whisper said "go". I booked the flight, praying we would get a referral and I'd have a REAL excuse not to go. I bought a partially refundable ticket just in case I chickened out at the last minute.
But God kept whispering. And I packed a bag. Satan was waiting, ready to remind me of my terror of flying, he even threw in a panic attack for good measure. Two plane rides later, a hundred tears and a thousand prayers and I was in Cincinnati.
And 3 days later, I emerged a new woman, multiplied by 3 new friends, who have all seen and heard my fears, accepted my fears and have resolved to love me and challenge me through them. And I have resolved that relationships with women are necessary, invited and life-changing in my life. And I am bound to make more of them. A lot more. I will be myself, open, encouraging and I will continue to face all of my fears, even if it means being hurt. I will stop running from God and live with open eyes, loving arms, and a full heart. I started re-reading the Bible tonight. Genesis 1:1 seemed like a great place to start :"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." This weekend I began my own genesis. And as my plane takes off, I AM afraid. Not for what has happened but for what WILL happen, because I know I will be challenged. The sum of all my fears has totaled HOPE. And Hope is always a great place to start.

Let us as women approach our relationships with one another with a different set of glasses on, to stop asking one another "how are you?", without waiting for an answer. May we forgive and forget about bad days, PMS, hurt feelings and indifference and may we be one another's champions, prayer warriors and soul mates. I look forward to connecting with every woman I know more passionately.
I encourage you....what is the sum of your fears? God may just want to redo your math.

Top Ten

While we are in this waiting game, I got to thinking about what made Le and I want to have a family.

"Top Ten Reasons I Want to Be a Mom."

1. Having a kiss, touch and hug that can fix anything.
2. Crayons, markers, colored pencils and not having people stare.
3. Returning to praying on my knees each night before bed.
3. Fruit roll-ups, gushers, and cereal.
4. Teaching how to cook, just like my g-ma taught me.
5. Being taught to see things through new eyes.
6. Having a reason to teach Vacation Bible School/Sunday School.
7. Having someone else in family pictures.
8. Swing sets, swimming pools, and parks.
9. "back to school shopping"
10. Cartoons.

One Month Waiting

At the close of business today, we are officially on the wait list for 1 month. It has really flown by and we are becoming more and more excited by the day. We bought beds this weekend. Even though we are unsure about whether or not we will have one or two children, we went ahead and got two beds, because even if our referral this time is for one, we have NO intention of our child being the only one. And the beds were on sale, so that always helps! We also went ahead and bought bathroom decorations which will be: monkeys! So excited to rip all the wallpaper off and start making it ready for a child.....OUR child(ren). Wow! Le and I prayed a special prayer last night that our children had peace in their hearts about where we were and that they be filled with the knowledge that we ARE coming...running...to them.
My darlings, we are here, we are praying for you and we are praying that your hearts are full of the knowledge that we love you, your bellies are full and that you are safe and warm tonight. And we are honored to have been chosen as your earthly parents. Only our Heavenly Father loves you more than we do...and we are COMING!

I saw this on some one's blog ( I can't remember who or I would give you props for bringing this to my attention) several weeks ago and it has stuck with me. I just felt like I needed to share. May we all be reminded that while there are 7 continents and hundreds of nations on this earth, we are all...HUMAN. Human means that we are lovingly created in the image of God and we all deserve: food, clean water, shelter, and above all else we need LOVE.

Missing Husband

It's no big secret that Le and I spend a lot of time together. It's one of the many reasons I married him, we are just good together. When I was in law school I use to leave our house early in the morning to study and come back late at night, but the weekends were a respite from the books and time for Le and I hang out and reconnect. Recently he's had to sign up for an EMT intermediate course for the fire department which crams 16 weeks worth of material into 6 weeks! And between him working two jobs,class and studying, the only thing weekends are reserved for is coffee, workbooks and reading.

So if you should pass this man on the street, and he looks tired and frazzled, it's because he hasn't had a day off for over a week now and the next five aren't looking good either. The only positive is that he will be too busy to notice when I paint the walls of our kids' room! I love you sweetheart and am so proud of you.

Pressed On My Heart

I recently ran across a woman's blog in Tennessee, with which I have fallen in love and who is doing great things that need to be shared. I read it all the time, as she is an amazing adoption advocate and encourager to those who have, will or want to adopt. But more than that her organization is an amazing example of being Jesus to those who need him most. Her organization is called Ordinary Hero and it is simply a challenge for all of us to be more involved with those who are in need. The site also puts up information about children who are waiting in orphanages across the globe. I fell in love with two brothers a few weeks ago and I want to help them find their forever home. Go to this site. Go to "waiting children". Look for the two boys called "Precious Brothers". Pray about what role you are to play in their lives: -prayer warrior? -advocate? -mother? -father?

Week Three Waiting!

Today was our third week of waiting. We've been so busy that I haven't noticed the time. Work has been crazy and Le started a new class for his EMT, so we have barely seen each other lately and it won't get better any time soon. I am also fervently in prayer about our church's sponsorship of a carepoint in Uganda through Children's HopeChest. I am sure that my associate pastor is tired of seeing me, but I will not back down. There are kids that need us. But should Kevin have me arrested for stalking, Bran, please come get me out! :)

Advocate for Those Who Can't

I have a really amazing friend who is looking for some help. You see, she is a passionate advocate for children all across the world, trying to secure sponsorship for children who need medicine, food, shelter and school. But as amazing as my friend is, she cannot do this without God's help. And God needs YOU to help. And my friend and I want YOU too! Want to know how to help? Go here, educate yourself, blog, facebook, twitter, and tell everyone you know about how God is using YOU to change the life of a child you may never meet, but who will never forget what you've done for them. (P.S. Thanks Bran for all that you let God do through you! Love that about you!)

Week Two Waiting.

Week two of waiting has been so busy with work, life, family and other commitments that I have to stop and remind myself to keep my phone near me at all times. Hopefully we can calm down soon and start preparing the bedroom to get ready for our kid(s).

Slip n Slide

We had looked for a slip n' slide for almost two months before Lexi and I headed to Target last weekend and found the last one in OKC in the bargain bin. The result was an entire afternoon running, slipping, falling, laughing. Thank you Father for the little things in life.