Jul 14, 2009

Just Another Reminder

Sunday was amazing. We spent the day with our niece and nephew and we drove down to my parent's house to spend the entire day playing in their pool. We had found a puppy several weekends ago and had put up signs all over the neighborhood and on craigslist but no one ever claimed her and my parents said they would take her if no one wanted her. My dad named her Chelsie. Chelsie had as much fun swimming in the pool as the rest of us. I wish I had taken a picture. It was too cute. That night when we tucked the kids into bed, Le read them the story of Daniel in the Lion's Den. But I couldn't shake the feeling all day that there was something missing. And then I reminded myself that it wasn't something, but someone(s).
I know to some who know me, I may sound crazy, but I miss my children. I talk about them all the time and I know that people just stare and me and think "oh, isn't she cute, she's lost her mind." I have not met them but I yearn to even though I know my Heavenly Father has already seen their faces, knows their names and has counted every hair on each of their heads. I cry over the most ridiculous of circumstances (Le will tell you this is NOT new) and I find myself envisioning them like a mirage in the desert. I saw them in the pool all day on Sunday, swimming, laughing, playing. I pray for them constantly and at least one time a day, I play "You Are Being Loved" by Steven Curtis Chapman and I sing to them (this only occurs when I am alone, as I spent the $ my parents set aside for singing lessons). I know there are several of them. Even though we may receive a referral for one this time, I know that travelling to Africa must be couched in the plural...because my childREN are there. And they need us. And I am coming...I am already there. I cherish souls that I have never met and a land that appears only through other's pictures and my dreams, but I am there. Walking through the desert, searching the faces of every street child I meet in my sleep, asking only one question: "Are you my child?" We will know soon enough, but soon enough never seems to arrive fast enough.
Thank you Father that you are watching over my children now and every other child who needs an earthly home. And thank you Le, for knowing exactly what it means when I say "I just need to cry."


Laura Ferry-Jimenez said...

this weekend, I had a group of friends over and the topic turned to my wanting to adopt. I told them that I didn't feel that my family was complete and it kills me that my kids are out there when they should be with me. they are already born, already not with their family. anyway, I thought I was taking a leap and sharing but all I got was weird silence and a few quiet "yeahs" - probably thinking, what the heck is laura talking about??!! haha. oh, well. sigh.

still no decisions on country. grrr. found a number for the costa rican consulate so will call them this week to go ahead and rule them out! :) this whole marriage compromise thing can be so hard!

I've been beyond busy but hopefully will calm down in the next few days... it just has to! haha.

again, so happy for you two! and glad I found this blog!

take care....
- laura

Tracy said...

That doesn't sound crazy at all. Your children are so loved, and they haven't even met you yet! They are so blessed already!

Brandi said...

Oh precious friend. . . I so know the feeling. I remember weeping during worship and missing a child I'd not met. You are not crazy. . .just waiting. Know this, when you are waiting He is too. . He can't wait to reveal your children to you, in HIS timing. Until then. . the same arms that hold you will hold them too.

Love you