Feb 19, 2014

Preciously Beautiful

After my brother's near fatal car accident in 2002, he was diagnosed with a severe brain injury. I think my family was medically advised about his condition and the limitations that would forever be placed on his life, but I don't think one person ever fully prepared us for the side effects of his medication. Since the accident he was evaluated and re-evaluated only to leave yet another doctor's office with a new prescription for his depression. Nothing worked. The side effects were weight gain and sleeplessness, which only reduced his self-esteem. And those are only the side effects I know he struggled with because they were the only ones he told me about.

He became more and more alone. As we searched through family photos of the last several years, he was always in the background, never at the forefront of the family merriment. In the few pictures we have, he was always forced to partake and I think he forced his smiles too. I don't think anyone truly knew how much he had been struggling. I think that was the point, he never wanted us to know.

I hash tagged a picture of him a few nights ago to my Instagram account with #depression. The people who responded to that picture ranged from friends to people who are searching under that hash tag quite often, to people who have named entire social media accounts to depression. It got me to searching even further and I searched Pinterest for #depression posts. I thought for sure that since we have grown into such a visual society that there would only be pleasing posts and pictures of triumph and celebration over such an ailment.

What I really saw broke my heart.

The harshness and rawness of what people are willing to display to people they know and those they have never met only reaffirmed that my precious baby brother struggled fiercely and his struggle was not unlike a lot of other peoples and I am broken all over again that I never saw it.  He could not see how preciously beautiful he was to those who loved him.

And he remains preciously beautiful. 

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am not sure anyone except those suffering from depression truly know how it feels. It isn't an easy illness to understand. Nor is it an illness that you can feel bad because you didn't know what to do. It is an illness that you can only try to love someone through it.

Lindsey Andrews said...

Anonymous, thank you for your words. It is true, depression is not an easy thing to understand and I may never fully understand it, but if I can help just one person...

Anonymous said...

God was so faithful to hear all the cries out to Him after Guy had his wreck. He heard our cry and answered those prayers.
Guy also cried out over the years. The Drs. tried to help but the damage was too great and there was no medication that seemed to work.
Depression may have gotten the best of Guy but it was God, who thru His love for Guy, could not and would not allow him to suffer any longer.
Now, his family and friends grieve and cry out to God, how can we go on without him.
God says, turn those tears of sadness into gladness as you watch and listen to the giggles of the little daughter Guy left behind. She has his family DNA. There is no doubt when you look at her, she is Guy's child. Hug her and love her. Tell her endless stories of her dad and how much he loved her. Just as our Father loves us.....

Anonymous said...

God was so faithful to hear all the cries out to Him after Guy had his wreck. He heard our cry and answered those prayers.
Guy also cried out over the years. The Drs. tried to help but the damage was too great and there was no medication that seemed to work.
Depression may have gotten the best of Guy but it was God, who thru His love for Guy, could not and would not allow him to suffer any longer.
Now, his family and friends grieve and cry out to God, how can we go on without him.
God says, turn those tears of sadness into gladness as you watch and listen to the giggles of the little daughter Guy left behind. She has his family DNA. There is no doubt when you look at her, she is Guy's child. Hug her and love her. Tell her endless stories of her dad and how much he loved her. Just as our Father loves us.....