Mar 15, 2012

Love Is Work

I think the biggest lie we tell little girls is that their wedding day is the end and all that lies after is "Happy Ever After".
Don't misunderstand, the wedding to The Hero definitely makes my top 5 days, but happy did not follow us into our days there after.
We married 10 days into December. He was beyond gainfully employed and I had only a few months left of studying until I joined him in the work force. Our future was amazing on paper. Less than one month after our wedding, The Hero's position was terminated. I was only working 15 hours a week as a legal intern, with two months to go before the bar exam; no where near enough income to even pay our house payment. We had known prior to the wedding we'd have to put off our honey moon so I could study for the bar, but now it would be indefinitely.
We were already into the "for poorer" part of our vows. It was no longer the choice of whether or not to eat out, but whether it would be beef or chicken ramen. It wasn't fun, but we were determined to see each other through. Looking back it seems so ridiculous that we were malcontented with our circumstances like we were but it was stressful for a new couple to sit at home every weekend and lament over the pennies we didn't have.
By April, things were looking better. The Hero found a job and I had passed the bar on the first try and making a real salary. A week into that month, The Hero went in for a regular eye exam and was advised he'd have to have major surgery to correct his vision within the month. We had neither the money nor the patience to endure this yet. The Hero was on bed rest for a week and couldn't use his eyes for the following week. I lost my temper a few times and called my mom-in-law in tears more than once. No one told me this part of the fairy tale. He wasn't supposed to be in bed, needy, and depressed. We were definitely in the "for sickness" part of our vows.
Is anyone supposed to go through their entire vows & live them out the first year of marriage?
I grew up watching my father lavish my mother with gifts. Flowers, jewelry and dinners eaten out were all a part of his love language. I expected a man just like my daddy as an adult. It wasn't until my first year of marriage to The Hero, I learned God didn't send me what I expected; I got what I needed. I needed The Heros working approach to our love, because there wasn't any money for gifts even if he had possessed the desire to give them.
The Hero's love language is the other side of love from my father's; The Hero speaks in action. If he never says it again, I'll always know he loves me. It's in the dishes being done, the oil change I forgot my car needed and the calm while I'm being crazy. The Hero loves consistently, always and without fail. It isn't often with great fan fare, but it is always and I know it is to the end.

I babbled a few months ago that I missed being outside, working with my hands; I needed to play in the dirt and watch something grow. Today, I came home to a man covered in dirt, a rented tiler and a plot of dirt perfectly turned over; a place to play and grow, just like where we started from 9 years ago.

A heros love is tangible, dirty and it lasts through hell longer than a vase of dying flowers. And glass slippers don't fare well any where I've ever been.

- Hugs n Love,


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