Sep 19, 2011

I wrote this Saturday morning as we were touching down in OKC. After two days, it's still all I can piece together without losing sight of my computer because of the tears.

We left Ethiopia Friday morning about 11:oo a.m. I cried all the way to the airport. Sobbed as we got out of the taxi and hugged Yemamu, Sisay, the rest of our team and Kaleab. Our flight to Dubai was almost four hours and I wept like a baby most of the way. During our six hour layover, I tried to talk to The Hero, but each time I opened my mouth, all that came out were tears. Our overnight flight to Atlanta was not much better.
And as I sit typing this, we are about an hour outside Oklahoma City, and I'm tearing up. Please understand, after 10 days, I am ready to see my children. But a huge piece of me is still in Ethiopia.

Re-entry is always hard. It usually takes me weeks to back to a routine. This time is different. I don't want to go back to how it was before. I don't want to walk into a grocery store and forget those that struggle to find food on a daily basis. I don't want to eat another meal at a restaurant and forget those 12 boys who eat, sleep and scrounge for their every necessity at a trash dump.

There is so much of our trip that I will eventually be able to share; to attempt to attach words to what occurred those beautiful 10 days. It's just not today. There will be much that I cannot share for awhile; and parts of it I never will. Today the hurt is fresh, raw and while I always want it to be there, I don't know yet how to verbalize or write it and I know you couldn't understand my mumbling through all the crying.


Gayla said... good words, here Linz. just love your heart and welcome home and don't ever change. God adores your heart, too, my friend.

love you.

Deb said...

I get it. Soak it up. Write it down. Never forget.

Lori said...

You know my heart is right beside yours. I trust God is holding the fragility of it together and using this brokenness for HIS kingdom. I constantly say, "I'm really not a masochist. I don't LOVE pain. I just love being undone by what pains the Lord. I love that real life is lived with emotion and a sweet brokenness found when we grieve for or brothers and sisters." I do hate the leaving that brings the pain; but I love knowing that God is willing to break me in order to use me as a small part of HIS plan to redeem the lost and offer hope to the hopeless. Praying that the God of comfort will hold you and shelter your heart. HE is able. Love to you, sweet friend.

Tammy said...

I'm very touched by the emotions you have expressed. God is grieving through you. Many will not understand because they have not been in that place before but know that many of us are right there with you - God breaks us with the things that break Him. I Look forward to reading more about your journey.