Mar 31, 2011

What They Need to Know

The last few weeks have been hard. Too hard.

The "R" word has come up a lot.

Too much.

Too often.

We knew it was coming.

It was in her grades, on her lips and on her teacher's face.

But last night it was in writing. Scrawled in black ink.

"Retention for 1st grade."

Our hears sank.

Her sweet face dropped.

There were tears.

But after weeks of planning, discussion, meeting with tutors and talks with her teacher,

we are all together on this.

We're going to have one more year of 1st grade.

It bothers the Hero.

It bothers the Angel.

And the Dinosaur doesn't know any different.

But here's the truth ya'll:

"I DON'T CARE!!!!"

Please hear me again when I say:

"I DON'T CARE!!!!"

Before you scroll to the bottom and leave me some comment about parenting, or retention, or some other opinion about why any of this should bother me; save it.

I still don't care.

Before you blow off my previous statements as flippant or uninvolved, please understand.

We highly value education. I personally have a love affair with learning.

I want to give that too my daughter. And to my son.

It just isn't going to be today.

There are no delays. No medical issues holding her back.

Just one more year of growth in an academic setting.

One more year getting her feet wet in a social environment.

One more year of alphabets and simple addition.

And she'll only be seven in June.

And she's only known English for 365 days.

This mama is completely at ease with her progress.

And whether I bore her myself or not, I still would have this opinion about retention.

So as we were discussing options these past weeks, I got to wondering what it was I want my babies to know for this life.

And the truth is...

nothing on my list was to be found in a book.

It's all found in THE book.

What I really want my kids to know:

Above all else...Love.

Be completely humble Ephesians 4:2

Compassion come to me that I may live. Psalms 119:77

Dance Jer. 31:4

Eagerly wait 1Cor 1:7

Faithful Proverbs 28:20

Grateful Ps. 100:1

Hope 1 Peter 1:21

Injustice Slayer Hosea 12:6

Joyful Habbakuk 3:18

Know the Lord is with you Joshua 22:31

Live a life of Love. Ephesians 5:2

Maintain justice Amos 5:15

Never be shaken Ps. 15:5

Obey [their] parents Ephesians 6:1

Patience 2 Timothy 3:10

Quiet life. 1 Thessalonians 4:11

Rejoice Forever Is. 65:18

Sing Ephesians 5:19-20

Trustworthy 1 Timothy 3:11

Universally Love John 13:34

Walk Humbly Micah 6:8

Xpress love in all things 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

Yearn for the Lord Ps. 84:2

Zealousness Ps. 69:9

So as we prepare for one more year in first grade,

we will continue to focus on our education,

both for school and for our souls.


Deb said...

I completely agree with you. And maybe, just maybe, her zeal for learning will grow BECAUSE you didn't over-push her!!!
Good for you.

Anonymous said...

The BEST thing about this post is that you truly sound like a mama. Proud of you Lindsey.

Carrie Chlebanowski said...

Linsey, we held my middle son back in first as well. He was fine academically, he just has such a tender spirit and was on the young side, and he was all for it. He liked the idea of being familiar with what was going to happen and having a little leg up on how thongs went, which gave him the comfort he needed to bloom socially and emotionally. He was a total different child that second year. It was the best thing we could have done for him, and I don't regret it for a second! I'll be praying for you!

It Feels Like Chaos said...

Amen!! So well said!

Mrs. D'Amico said...

Linds - you're a rock star and so are you kids! I LOVE your outlook on this. Obviously I've never experienced any of this but Todd's mom is a first grade teacher in Moore and we've had numerous conversations about how she truly loves her school kids and wants whats best for them, even if it's hard for the child to hear sometimes. Ruta is a bright young girl who has grown and adjusted SO incredibly well!! She'll come out of first grade like a shining star and she'll realize someday that everything happens for a reason. None of this is all that important in the "big picture"... the ABC list you typed is ALL that matters in life! Love you and your kids!

Gayla said...

Good, good mamma, Linz.

I have NEVER heard of a family who regretted retention. I have heard MANY who say they wish they had. You are doing the right thing. Love that girl...

Jaime & Kelly said...

dear heavens THANK YOU for posting this!!! we are preparing Mamo for Kindergarten and I must say I believe we already have big fat F for our attempts. I am learning how much I want Mamo to be "normal"-yes I said it and admit it...I want him to be beyond ready more for his first social setting. So much that I have pushed him and myself to the point of disgust. The ABC's is like a four letter word now. I dread asking him to work on it and he shuts down as soon as I say the word. WHY??? because I have sucked myself into the, "he has to be just like everyone else"'s not working for us and I am ready to say I DON'T CARE, he is who he is and is where he is. Mamo's wisdom of love and life is beautiful and he teaches me daily. Someday he will get the ABC's 123's but until then I DON'T CARE!!!

Ashley said...

As a fellow mommy...I would like to say THANK YOU for being so open and honest! This post made my heart SMILE! You never know who you will touch out here in the blog world :) THanks again!

Erin Moore said...

I love you.

Lori said...

I prefer to look way down the road and say, "Ahhhh, the joy of having her in your arms and home one. extra. year." That's the joy.
Love you.

Missy said...

Oh honey. SO much to say.

1) I am with Gayla - as a teacher and a mom, never met a mom who regretted holding a child back. Met many who wish they had.

2) I was a May baby, and I sure could have used an extra year. Sure, I was smart enough. But had I gone to college a year older/wiser/more mature...perhaps fewer mistakes would have been made.

3) My mom taught 30 sumpin years and always said "retain in 1st grade, couple tears. Retain later, TONS of tears."

4) My Shep was an August baby and we "bridged" him, which meant, he started kinder a year late. Up here in our burbs, so many moms do it, you almost have to if you have a summer baby or your kid will be TWO years behind the rest of his class. All the cool kids retain ;)

5) A friend of mine bridged her very bright son. When I was talking to her about the possibility of promoting my Sept 5 very precocious but very emotionally immature daughter, she said that now that her son was entering middle school, she was SO glad for that extra year - because middle school today is NOT what it was when we were younger, and the more maturity they had, the better. It's like, retain them, or hole them up in the basement till they are 30. Here in Texas, we have have no basements, so...

You made the right choice. You know that, I know. I'm just giving you some ammo for when the enemy tries to sneak up on you. and whisper doubt in your ear. Tell him to kiss off.


Theresa said...

My hubby Dave and I were just talking about this very subject last week. I guess to me it is what is best for your child and I think you are doing just that. I love your blog.

Beth said...

I held my third grader back and am so glad. I wanted to hold her back after K5, 1st, 2nd, and then finally did in third. The kicker is I homeschool so my pride was in the way. I was so worried about people thinking I had failed that I convinced myself she would catch up. Holding her back is the best thing I ever did for both of us. She is doing wonderfully now in her first year of 4th grade and absolutely loves school! It takes a brave and confident parent to do the right thing! Proud of you!