Big 6!

Often, when we are so wrapped up in grief, things slip past us. The concept of time can slap us right in the face and we are scrambling to put things together for an event or holiday. 

Worse, at times, we just wish the event/holiday/social gathering/appearance

would altogether disappear.

While I adore my baby boy so very much, I would be lying if I told you I had been looking forward to preparing for his sixth birthday party. 

Truth: I was full on dreading it. 

And with so many other things falling apart, the day crept up on me faster than I wanted to admit. 

The planning was drowning to me:

Balloons.

Invitations.

Decorating.

Trying to laugh.

Cleaning up.

Deciding where to have it.

Having to pick an outfit for myself that wasn't sweats and my brother's brown hoodie.

Yup.

For someone who is still grieving a party with screaming toddlers, balloons and party favors 

was my personal version of hell.

Little Man wasn't the most help either. 

On days I felt like I was in a frame of mind to plan, I would ask him what he wanted to do for his birthday.

His answers would range from taking his entire kindergarten class on a play date (Uh, NO!!!!),

to The Hero and I buying him a b.b. gun (UH, DOUBLE NO)

to all of us going to Disney World (Not in the budget).

He also refused to settle on a theme.

He would tell me "Mom, you know I like it all."

"Avengers." 

"Spiderman."

"And minions."

"Lots of minions."

With not much else to go off of and no real energy to peruse Pinterest looking for ways to entertain six year olds, I buckled under the pressure.

The invitations were by Facebook invite only.

Family and a few of our dearest friends whose children I knew I could socially tolerate.

Decorations were a hodge podge of all of his favorites.

Cupcakes were of the store-bought variety.

We topped off the whole cupcake/punch affair with a candy-crammed pinata, sang Happy Birthday and celebrated our newly turned six year old. 

We even made it, just the four of us out for dinner to the Ethiopian restaurant in our area for an extra dosing of celebrating. 

All of it was beautiful and special and he felt on top of the world. 

And for one small glimmer of an afternoon, life felt....well, I would like to say normal, but I hate that word.

Exhaleable.

I know that's not a real word. 

I made it up. 

But grieving through my brother's death has left most of my breaths like they are unable

 to be let loosed from my chest. 

And for one small, Sunday afternoon surrounded by our family and friends, I felt

covered in enough love to let out a breath and not immediately feel the need to fall apart. 

Which allowed me to embrace and enjoy this smile:

Happy Super Six to my favorite Dinosaur! And to all of those we know and love us who made the day extra special and who didn't even notice that the party was not Pinterest worthy, but was worthy for nothing more than the company. 

Christmas In July

Having kids almost five years apart can be challenging, I'm learning. Remember? Still new to this mom thing. And some times I'm just slow on the uptake. But having kids five years apart AND being of two different genders is, well, like a remake of Cowboys v. Aliens. The Dino's favorite game is "How to Hack Off My Big Sister In The Shortest Amount of Time." He beats his record almost daily now.
The Princess's favorite game is "Let's See How Loud I Can Huff At EVERY. THING. My Brother Says." I stopped counting her decibel levels a year ago.
The Hero and I have been trying really hard to maintain our patience and remind them that continuing to drive their parents crazy will only end up with all of us in the loony bin.  But I hear the loony bin cooks for you three meals a day AND does the laundry. And "NO", I have no googled loony bins in our area. Maybe tomorrow.

So tonight when they had been together less than thirty minutes and their were both ready to play their individual games with one another, I called a time out. I set them both down together and announced that if they really were serious about wanting  a brother and/or a sister to come home and live with us from Ethiopia, then they were going to have to get along. We just couldn't bring another person into our family if they were not going to be nice to the family members we already have because that wouldn't be fair to anyone. I asked them both to pray over dinner and ask God to help them know and love their sibling here and their sibling(s) to come, so that we could be the family God wants us to be.

Guys...I cannot make this stuff up. They both prayed and asked for patience, love and kindness towards one another and that God would prepare their other siblings for them as well. It was all I could do to choke back the tears.

They've been asleep now for almost an hour. I can't be sure because I didn't hear the angels announce it from heaven, but I think the Lord Jesus has come back to earth. Or my children have been inhabited by aliens. All evening they have been amazing to one another. They snuggled on the couch during a movie, they have "pleased" and "thank you'd" each other almost to death and while I was cleaning dishes, I heard The Dino say "NO! I WANT to carry your shoes to your room. Because I love you!"

I write you all tonight to document this event, so that this Mommy may have a reminder in the morning when the squealing over "He-got-more-orange-juice-than-me" starts, I can remember that for an entire evening, for the first time, I remember thinking "there really is Christmas in July."

Christmas is Two Days Early This Year

On November 29th, 2009, my sister and her husband relocated to Phoenix

for a new adventure in their life.

On November 30th, 2009,

The Hero and I began a new adventure of our own:

Parenthood.

Laura had barely pulled in her new driveway when I called

to tell her about our referral.

It was the oddest moment of elation and devastation of my life.

While I couldn't wait to get the kids, Laura and I both wondered

how my kids would ever bond with someone who lived a 1000 miles away.

The next time I saw her, I was getting off the airplane in OKC

with two kids.

Jetlag, exhaustion, and acclimating to our life at home

would have been unbearable if she and Brian hadn't been there our first week.

They did the laundry, the grocery shopping, the rocking for nap-time,

while I tried to pull my head out of the whirlwind of the last two weeks.

Coming face to face with motherhood and abject poverty for the first time

took a toll on my heart and my brain.

At the end of that first week, The Angel knew she had a mother.

And an aunt.

Whom she adored.

Aunt LaLa was all she wanted for her first birthday home.

Our first Christmas was amazing.
There were lots of smiles.

LOTS of laughs.
(I think he looks like the seamstress from The Incredibles :)

Too many gifts that neither of the kids remember a year later.
And while every one was amazing and made their first Christmas perfect,
it was definitely noted that there were two presents missing.
We skyped the entire Christmas morning, letting LaLa and Papa Chu
watch each gift being opened,
each toy being played with and
watching The Dinosaur terrorize us all with his dump truck.
At the end of the day, Laura sent me a message,
telling me that 2010 would be last Christmas my kids were small
that she wouldn't be sitting in my living room.
I told her I was going to hold her to that,
but wouldn't tell the kids.
So as we made our lists this year for what they wanted to unwrap,
The Angel again requested her favorite thing:
LaLa.
and maybe, just maybe if he was good,
she'd let Papa Chu come along.


So for Christmas 2011,
THEY ARE COMING HOME!!!!
I waited for as long as I could to tell the kids.
About two minutes after I knew.

So while they won't care about presents.
And some fat man squeezing in our fireplace doesn' t mean anything.
Santa and his entire magical entourage could carry
Laura and Brian's bags from the airport,
and The Angel and The Dinosaur wouldn't notice.
Because:
There will be popcorn,
dancing,
cheering,
celebrating,
and probably costumes

there will be giggles,
laughter,
playing ball in the house
and breaking all of Mommy's rules.

There will be late nights,
pillow fights,
sleeping in late
and cereal for dinner.

The Angel is beside herself.
She is so excited that she has turned her
paper-chain, Advent calendar from school into a
"Countdown to Aunt Laura coming".
But I haven't told her they will be here on the 23rd.
I want to see the look on her face:

Christmas comes two days early this year.

You Think She Wants A Sibling?

Last Wednesday was our home study.

We had been talking about it with The Angel and The Dinosaur for weeks.

Because those of you who have adopted before know that

once a social worker steps foot in your house,

your children know one thing:

You cannot kill them.

We seriously could entertain the entire House and Senate at our dinner table

and The Angel and The Dinosaur would behave normally.

But the level of heathen behavior at the Andrews' household is

paramount when we have a post-placement visit.

We encouraged The Angel and The Dinosaur to mind their manners,

don't scream at one another and generally attempt to act as if we

are trying to teach them to be upright, outstanding citizens.

(Our last two post placement visits,

The Hero and I were convinced The Dinosaur might sprout horns and

The Angel had a megaphone inserted into her lungs.)

Sure enough, the door bell rings on Wednesday and the kids fling the door open.

Completely forgetting "Stranger Danger."

But things started to go badly when The Dinosaur brought down his piggy bank.

Remember, it wasn't two months ago he swallowed copper?

He dumped his entire savings on the floor, and began swimming through them.

And immediately became bored.

As The Dinosaur did cartwheels off our furniture,

The Angel quietly sat on the floor between our social worker

and The Hero and I.

And only interrupted to ask me to take a picture of her new creation.

She's good.

Real good.

And she's ready for a sibling.

National Adoption Month: Sibling Set

It's not a secret that The Hero and I have a soft spot for siblings.

I can't imagine having The Dinosaur without having The Angel.

I know my own life would not be the same without my siblings.

Sometimes in adoption, staying together is not an option.

But imagine your chances if there were 7 of you!

Even staring at their picture makes me overwhelmed.

Imagine the laundry.

Imagine the meal planning.

Imagine the LOVE!

The laughter!

The smiles at knowing they were all staying together.

This amazing group is currently in foster care awaiting their forever family.

They want to be adopted together.

Do you blame them?

I wouldn't give up my sister either.

Orphan Sunday

Today was Orphan Sunday.

A day set aside for remembrance, prayer and advocacy for children who have no family.

We hadn't talked about Orphan Sunday at home.

We didn't even mention it today.

Usually, questions about adoption, birth parents and/or Africa are elicited by The Angel.

But for the first time ever in the car today, a question came from the Dinosaur.

We had just been answering his questions about the blue car next to us, when we were met with:

"Mommy?"

"Yes, son."

"Our first dad died before in Africa?"

The Hero and I just stared at each other for a moment.

I didn't know what to say for a minute.

In her perfect, adorable way, The Angel beat me to it.

"Yep. Our Ethiopian daddy died after our Ethiopian Mommy did. That's why we live here."

The Hero and I made a brief, forgettable statement after that and The Dinosaur

went back to jabbering about the cars on the road.

Even in his precious three year old mind, my son knows that we are a hybrid family.

While I am thankful and selfishly want to believe that God planned our family since the beginning of time, that is only my selfishness.

Adoption is only God's perfect plan when it regards us being adopted into His family.

Adoption here on earth is a very messy, imperfect plan, not even close to plan B.

I believe that God placed our children with The Hero and I by weaving our lives together.

And for that huge gift, we are forever grateful.

But the original design was for The Angel and The Dinosaur to live with their birth parents.

Being orphaned in a fallen world changed that original design.

Many people have questioned why we are adopting again.

They ask things like:

"Are you worried how it will affect The Angel and The Dinosaur?"

"Why more kids, you guys were so lucky to get to great kids the first time."

"Are you sure that you guys are ready for that?

These questions really just piss me off, and I don't believe they deserve an answer.

So now that you've been warned, please don't ask.

Our answer is simply this:

The Hero and I believe that God sets the lonely in families,

not in orphanages,

or group homes,

or foster care.

While adoption is not a perfect plan, an orphanage or being in foster care isn't acceptable.

And until He returns in His glory,

and there are no more kids who need homes,

The Hero and I never want to look back and wonder on an Orphan Sunday,

"I wonder what our family would look like if (insert a kid's name) hadn't been with us?"

And really, who wouldn't want these kiddos sitting at their table:

Orphan Sunday is not a day to celebrate,

it is a day to we should attempt to abolish.

I believe I have a calling in that challenge,

and I believe so do you.

I don't believe it is only through adoption.

Sponsorship, financial giving, advocacy and adoption are all a part.

Excited to hear how you all are striving to end the orphan crisis.

National Adoption Month: Sibling Adoption

A lot of people questioned The Hero and I when we decided to adopt a sibling set. As first time parents, there were always questions about how we'd go from no kids to two and what our adjustment period would be like. Believe me, The Hero and I did question it a lot, but over and over again we felt as though if the Lord was calling us to it, He wouldn't leave us in the middle. Since both The Hero and I had siblings, we knew we would eventually adopt again; why not bring home a sibling set?
It definitely wasn't always peaches and cream. Having two new personalities in the house was challenging at first, but seeing the bond between The Dinosaur and The Angel is priceless.
Every country has different requirements and standards for adoption. At the time, Ethiopia had a rule that siblings were not allowed to be separated; which meant the couples open to sibling sets were dramatically reduced, therefore lessening their probability for adoption.
After coming home with The Angel and The Dinosaur, The Hero and I promised that we would continue to advocate for waiting children and sibling groups.
Meet Chrystyna and Karen.
Chyrstyna and Karen are siblings living in the Ukraine. Karen is a 15 year old who is a typical teenager who is waiting for her new family. Chrystyna's medical charts state that she has some developmental delays but provides no specifics as to her needs. These adorable princesses are ready for adoption immediately, as Karen will soon age out of the Ukrainian system and will be on her own.




The girls are being advocated for by Reece's Rainbow . If you go to Reece's website, you can donate to the girls' adoption funds and read more about their profiles. Also, consider signing up for Reece's Warrior program, where you can use your blog and social media to raise money for a child who needs a family this Christmas.

The Staircase

The Hero and I came home from Ethiopia early on a Saturday morning. The following Friday we closed on a new home. It seems as though it has taken forever to get moved in and unpacked (which we are still not finished doing). While Daddy and I seem to be consumed with unpacking toys, clothes, and our 7 years together of mess, the kids are consumed with one thing:

the staircase in the new house.

It has been a slide, a launching pad for throwing a variety of items, and a stage.

Yesterday, The Angel and I were playing paper dolls, when The Dinosaur came running through the living room like this:
Yup. You guessed it. That is a plastic Halloween bucket on his head. He headed to the top of the stairs, holding a plastic baseball bat, sliding down the stairs on his belly, squealing with delight.

After the third time, The Angel's interest was sparked, and I was left holding the paper dolls and searching for my camera.

For almost an hour, they giggled and slid and added "flair" to their sliding uniforms.

I cannot wait to see what the staircase becomes next.

Being a working mom is stinky most days.

I feel like I run from task to task.

Dinner.

Soccer practice.

Homework.

Laundry.

Repeat.

But more and more often, I'm reminding myself that the laundry will always be there.

The house will never be clean enough.

They'll never remember what I made for dinner in a week.

And that this face won't be little for much longer:

Praying you stop and take in a small moment of your own today.

It's been 18 months since we've been a family of four.

Sometimes, the days go by so fast, it's only when I look back at pictures

that I am reminded of how much the kids have changed,

and how far we've come as a family.

I had a friend post this video a few days ago.

I remembered this song from when we were in the waiting process

for The Princess and The Dinosaur.

I had it up and playing on my computer today at work

when The Dinosaur bounded into my lap.

I hadn't been fully paying attention to the video while I was working,

but as The Dinosaur asked me questions about the video and the song,

remembrance of longing for my children two years ago flooded back.

As The Dinosaur sat in my arms and I sang along,

I let the tears stream down my face

and onto to one of the precious heads I waited so long to meet.

Older Child Adoption: For Me

The Hero and I were kidless when we brought home The Angel and The Dinosaur.

Our agency made us watch a lot of videos about parenting.

We had a lot of conversations with experts, adoptive parents and our family about "older" kids.

In the adoption community, "older" is defined as older than three years.

We had even more discussions about adopting two kids at a time.

The literature says that adopting a sibling set is extremely challenging.

They were right.

Many people tried to deter us from the boxes marked "older" and "sibling".

The adoption community has had some terrible stories.

And I felt at times we only heard the terrible.

We were told that our children would have to be with us as much time as we were apart to

properly attach to us.

While this is a great guidepost to follow,

it was not our story.

I believed that from the beginning of time God hand picked me to mother

The Angel and The Dinosaur.

There are days, I question His sanity.

I don't feel worthy to parent them at all.

I can truly tell you that The Angel is number 1 in the biggest heroes in my life.

Her story is tragic.

But she'll never tell you.

She's too busy smiling and breathing in life one inhale and exhale at a time.

It's why I think she's beautiful.

Not just her bouncy curls,

killer smile or curvy frame.

It's the way her driving spirit wakes her up every day.

Praying for a bigger house so that God will give us more kids.

Begging me to have a garage sale so the $ from her lemonade stand can "feed some kids".

Telling me that I'm better than coffee. (it's own blog post.)

And making us all laugh hysterically.

She will take on anything and will be ready for whatever plunge our family makes.

As long as we make it together.

(that's really she and I, holding hands and laughing our heads off.)

While I never question any one's choice of age when they are adopting.
It truly is an issue of your family's directive and spending ample time in prayer.
But all I can tell you about my "older" child,
Is that she is for me.
And while there is so much of her life that I missed,
I know He is glorified in it all.

Angel, you have the spirit of an eagle and the fight of a tiger.
Watching over you on this earth is an honor and I do not take it lightly.
Thank you Jesus for her Daddy and I are grateful~we are just not deserving.
But I am so glad that she's for me.

Have I Told You Today

When I was a kid, my dad traveled all the time.

It was not uncommon for him to leave on Sunday night until Friday afternoon.

When he was with us,

he was always giving us a hard time.

His favorite thing to ask me was

"Have I told you today that I love you?"

I always got so sick of hearing that,

but like with most parental issues,

you always end up sounding like your parents,

so it was no surprise that a few months after The Angel and The Dinosaur were home,

I channeled Dad and started asking

"Have I told you today that I love you?

The Angel now makes it a game.

She is always asking me and

then bursting into laughter as she tells me

"well, I do; give me a kiss."

My baby sister came home this weekend and we had a great visit.

The Angel always takes Aunt LaLa leaving really hard,

so tonight she and I sat at the kitchen table and had a good cry.

The Dinosaur's world was completely displaced

with his two favorite women were crying.

He had no idea what to do with himself.

I had my head buried in my hands when his little fist was punching my arm.

"Hey Mommy?"

" Yeah buddy."

" Have I told you today that I luf you?"

While I really wanted to continue crying, I couldn't keep from laughing.

What The...?

Has it really been 16 months we've been together?

Days it seems like we just met,

but more and more it feels like this

Instead of like this:

And our baby,




Isn't much of a baby anymore.

Thank you Lord for reminders.

Of where we were.

of where we are.

and where we have yet to go.

Older Child Adoption: Views on Medicine

A lot of people email me wanting to know about older child and/or sibling adoption. I anticipated that like every other kid I have ever been around, The Angel and The Dinosaur would despise taking medication. I was dead wrong.

I cannot give the Dinosaur cough syrup without the Angel insisting that she get some too and then they both ask for more. They remind me in the mornings to give them their vitamins. Our first weekend home, we made an emergency trip to the dentist (thank goodness he was on call) because The Angel had an abscessed tooth. He prescribed a HUGE bottle of antibiotics before the tooth could come out. I knew it must have tasted awful because it smelled horrific. But she took it all...three times a day and while she didn't love it, she never complained. Not once.

Shots truly scare them both. The Angel cries just thinking about having to get one. The scars on their arms prove that while they were given in Africa, they left their mark. Our first trip to the pediatrician was so traumatic that the Hero is mandated to take them to every other appointment. It was that bad. For them and for Mommy.

Band-Aids are the only medical issue they joke about; they think they need one for every scrape or even invent reasons to get one.

While I don't know about other parents' experiences with medicine and older child adoption, my two seem to know that medicine was a rarity and to be respected and taken when asked. I think it is one of the reasons I advocate so hard for older kids to be adopted. I see what two toddlers have done to change our lives and I think everyone should be able to enjoy that kind of love.