Apr 11, 2012

Women Wednesday: A Breakup Can Be Inevitable

I always feel as though long time spans from each Women Wednesday post.
Perhaps it is because they take so much out of me to write.
I've been writing and re-writing this one in my head on paper.
Almost a year now, back and forth, typing and backspacing,
scratching out on paper,
only to scratch it out completely.

It involves the theory of a sometimes inevitable in our female relationships...

A breakup sometimes happens.

Twice in the last two years I've experienced such a loss,
a monumental breakup with at least one female friend;
if not participating the dissolution of a group of female friends,
and each time I respond with the same question to myself:

"Why do you continue to engage if a break up is inevitable?"

While each scenario was different, the result was the same: A loss occurred.

And let's face it.

With making dinner, working, laundry, soccer practice and solving our children's (if they are school age) social snafus, who really wants to deal with their own girl drama?
Especially, when we are supposed to be grownups.

I'm probably the worst at dealing with it.

I cannot "pick" sides during a fight between my friends.
I refuse to perpetuate gossip.
And I cannot hold your hand, rub your back and lie when you're being a complete moron.
And I don't expect my friends to do the same for me.
That's why we're friends.
Call me to the carpet.
Lay out your garbage and I'll bring my truck full.
Let's do this life together, in it for the long haul kind of relationship.
I really know no other way.
I have time for garbage.
I have no time for crap.

I have a hard time biting my tongue and the Lord help you if you ask for my opinion.
Only one thing will happen,
I will give it to you.

I'm sorry in advance.

This inherently explains some of my "girl" issues.

I truly believe that God has placed amazing, lasting women in my life to do life with me.
I believe that many of them are still to come and I must seek out their arrival.
Some of them will stay until we are old and gray.
I'm still holding out that Gayla & I's children marry.
But some paths will cross for a moment, a season even.

And ladies,
here's the deal:

I guess we've watched too many girl movies and think that all breakups
are worth a box of tissues and require an Oscar winning performance like
a scene from "Steel Magnolias".

More often than not, every adult, girl "break up", you've experienced was
too much exaggeration,
not enough forgiveness
definitely lacking in communication
and you have no idea why that person is no longer in your life,
 there is just a scar they made when they left
 or resentment you conjure up when thinking of them.

Perhaps those "breakups" should be more like a really amazing Hallmark card.
Not all they hype and duration of a Hollywood production, but a
small span of time to remember what was and celebrate the moment.

You read it, you sigh and hold it close to your chest and
then you put it in a drawer and go on with your life.
Or you realize that the words were never right, tear that card up
and laugh you wasted so much time on her.

But here's what we can't do: Stop engaging one another.
Let's face it girls, God did not make us social vacuums.
We are made to connect, engage and grow.
Our men are just never going to understand all our "girlness".

Yes, breakups will happen.

They should happen in some circumstances.
But for those women who come and go too soon,
or who didn't leave soon enough,
hold their memory close.
For good or bad, her presence made part of your story.
And stories are good, only when they are retold.
So don't be afraid to tell your story to someone new.

Apr 8, 2012

How do you tell a Dinosaur "Happy Birthday"?

How do you tell a Dinosaur "Happy Birthday"?

Two years of us together and I'm still not sure.
It's official now.
You've been with us as long as you were away from us.
That's milestones in the adoption world.
And yet, it seems as though I've known you my whole life.
Maybe you've always been there,
the wild spirit in my heart I could never really explain.

You roar when a whisper is necessary and you stomp when walking would get the job done.
There is nothing that scares you, except the neighborhood cat.
And in the middle of creating your own wake, you some times stop just
to tell me you love me.

I knew the first time we met in Ethiopia, that you were going to blaze through life.
I knew it was going to be hard, then beautiful, then hard again,
but in the end, I was going to give you everything you asked for in life and more.
You only had to say one word: Mommy.

So son, you blaze right through this world and burn your own path with your Dinosaur roar.
I will try to remember my patience and I'll bring along my good belly laughs,
because we're going to need them both.
I have no idea why God thought I was good enough to be your mommy.
There are so many days that I doubt Him.
But I love you with a passion that cannot die and a commitment that will never end.
I'm already your biggest fan and you've only just begun.

Four years old sounds so small, until I look at how tall you've already grown.

How do you say "Happy Birthday" to a Dinosaur?

You hold him if you can catch him.
You kiss his face if he'll let you.
And you cherish every moment.
Because one day, that Dino will be full grown.
And it's happening, right this minute.

Happy #4 Baby Boy.