Apr 11, 2012

Women Wednesday: A Breakup Can Be Inevitable

I always feel as though long time spans from each Women Wednesday post.
Perhaps it is because they take so much out of me to write.
I've been writing and re-writing this one in my head on paper.
Almost a year now, back and forth, typing and backspacing,
scratching out on paper,
only to scratch it out completely.

It involves the theory of a sometimes inevitable in our female relationships...

A breakup sometimes happens.

Twice in the last two years I've experienced such a loss,
a monumental breakup with at least one female friend;
if not participating the dissolution of a group of female friends,
and each time I respond with the same question to myself:

"Why do you continue to engage if a break up is inevitable?"

While each scenario was different, the result was the same: A loss occurred.

And let's face it.

With making dinner, working, laundry, soccer practice and solving our children's (if they are school age) social snafus, who really wants to deal with their own girl drama?
Especially, when we are supposed to be grownups.

I'm probably the worst at dealing with it.

I cannot "pick" sides during a fight between my friends.
I refuse to perpetuate gossip.
And I cannot hold your hand, rub your back and lie when you're being a complete moron.
And I don't expect my friends to do the same for me.
That's why we're friends.
Call me to the carpet.
Lay out your garbage and I'll bring my truck full.
Let's do this life together, in it for the long haul kind of relationship.
I really know no other way.
I have time for garbage.
I have no time for crap.

I have a hard time biting my tongue and the Lord help you if you ask for my opinion.
Only one thing will happen,
I will give it to you.

I'm sorry in advance.

This inherently explains some of my "girl" issues.

I truly believe that God has placed amazing, lasting women in my life to do life with me.
I believe that many of them are still to come and I must seek out their arrival.
Some of them will stay until we are old and gray.
I'm still holding out that Gayla & I's children marry.
But some paths will cross for a moment, a season even.

And ladies,
here's the deal:

I guess we've watched too many girl movies and think that all breakups
are worth a box of tissues and require an Oscar winning performance like
a scene from "Steel Magnolias".

More often than not, every adult, girl "break up", you've experienced was
too much exaggeration,
not enough forgiveness
definitely lacking in communication
and you have no idea why that person is no longer in your life,
 there is just a scar they made when they left
 or resentment you conjure up when thinking of them.

Perhaps those "breakups" should be more like a really amazing Hallmark card.
Not all they hype and duration of a Hollywood production, but a
small span of time to remember what was and celebrate the moment.

You read it, you sigh and hold it close to your chest and
then you put it in a drawer and go on with your life.
Or you realize that the words were never right, tear that card up
and laugh you wasted so much time on her.

But here's what we can't do: Stop engaging one another.
Let's face it girls, God did not make us social vacuums.
We are made to connect, engage and grow.
Our men are just never going to understand all our "girlness".

Yes, breakups will happen.

They should happen in some circumstances.
But for those women who come and go too soon,
or who didn't leave soon enough,
hold their memory close.
For good or bad, her presence made part of your story.
And stories are good, only when they are retold.
So don't be afraid to tell your story to someone new.


Mrs. D'Amico said...

You speak the truth, always and fairly... I love that about you.

Lydia said...

I love your concept of 'doing life together', I hear the truth in your words. I don't think I get close enough to others to go through breakups in the same way, and that is sad. Maybe something I can change :)
But keep being you - a friend of mine talks about being 'aggressively accountable', not waiting to be held accountable. That rings true too.
Thank you :)

Deb said...

Can't you guys PLEASE move up here? We would TOTALLY be friends. Having just experienced another "break up" (WTH???) I so resonate with this. And I too speak truth. Sigh. Girls. :)

Unknown said...

I understand your feelings about this. Too often we get caught up in the details of the little stuff and forget to forgive and communicate. Many a relationship goes out the window because of pride and lack of communication. In BSf we have been learning how we are meant to stand together with our Armor of God Shields side by side protecting each other. Sometimes we can only hold each other up for awhile before we have to let go! Praying for the heartaches from the past and for the new future friends!