If you know me at all, you know that The Lord of The Rings trilogy speaks my religion. I think there is more fervor about Christ in those three books than in most churches on a given Sunday. I think Tolkien had a solid grasp on the pulse of Jesus. I love them both for that.
Five years ago, The Hero and I stood amongst a sludge of adoption paperwork: local and international, foster care and respite care, red tape and bureaucracy. After several phone calls to our local Human Services department, I threw away their information. It sounded so overwhelming and they seemed to only push us towards fostering. After enduring infertility treatments, I knew my heart was not ready to love through another type of loss.
As you all know, The Angel and The Dinosaur joined us by way of international adoption in 2010. After several failed attempts at a Thai adoption and false starting on several domestic adoptions, we were back to square 457. For the second time. God just kept breathing the word "home" into my heart. I felt it over and over again. I was sure that when I wrote this post, that home was leading us back to Ethiopia. I called our home study agency and even advised them to revamp our home study in order to make it approved for Ethiopia. Two days later, we were changing course. Again.
I had never heard of a group home five years ago. I didn't know they existed. But "group home" is just fancy terms for a kid who needs a family. And I kept repeating only one word: Home. Our social worker's sweet clear voice asked only a few things that I could piece together on the phone that day.
"12yr old."
"group home, 7 years."
"group Home."
"Are you even interested?"
"not foster care...forever placement."
"group HOME."
I remember telling her I'd talk to The Hero. I promised I'd pray about it. But deep in my heart, I already knew the answer: Of course we were interested. Our family's goal isn't Ethiopia, or fostering, or even really adoption. Our goal is to be who and what and where HE is asking us to be. To whomever He is asking us to be that to.
The Hero never blinked when I printed off the packet of information. He nodded and we prayed and we confronted our kids about an older brother. They were elated. And so here we are. Several visits into our integration process and the newest member of our family who will be living here primarily in the next few weeks.
We do believe our road will lead us to Ethiopia again for adoption. The Angel is certain of it. She also consistently reminds me now that we girls are out numbered. But to see the face of what is to be our newest son and say no was not something any of us could do.
I'm sorry that I kept the secret from you all so long. There is still much we are not allowed to say. Adoption is never beautiful all the way around. There is loss and grief and pain. Transition and belonging and acceptance. But never in my life do I see Christ loving me more fully than when we accept a child into our family just as they are. Isn't that what He did for us? Accept us in the broken pieces to go there with us through the ugly and the dark, only to turn around and do it all again the next day? It's why I love Jesus. As He love me in all my failures to be there and then be back again each morning, again and anew. There and back again. There and back yet again. Day after day.
Please join us in prayer. There are so many unknowns yet for our little family. Payments for costs we have not yet seen, hurts we have not yet encountered, legal hurdles to be moved and we will need your love and support every step of the way.
So that's what we can tell you. We haven't fallen off the earth the last two month. We've just been going down the road to home. And now back again.
Five years ago, The Hero and I stood amongst a sludge of adoption paperwork: local and international, foster care and respite care, red tape and bureaucracy. After several phone calls to our local Human Services department, I threw away their information. It sounded so overwhelming and they seemed to only push us towards fostering. After enduring infertility treatments, I knew my heart was not ready to love through another type of loss.
As you all know, The Angel and The Dinosaur joined us by way of international adoption in 2010. After several failed attempts at a Thai adoption and false starting on several domestic adoptions, we were back to square 457. For the second time. God just kept breathing the word "home" into my heart. I felt it over and over again. I was sure that when I wrote this post, that home was leading us back to Ethiopia. I called our home study agency and even advised them to revamp our home study in order to make it approved for Ethiopia. Two days later, we were changing course. Again.
I had never heard of a group home five years ago. I didn't know they existed. But "group home" is just fancy terms for a kid who needs a family. And I kept repeating only one word: Home. Our social worker's sweet clear voice asked only a few things that I could piece together on the phone that day.
"12yr old."
"group home, 7 years."
"group Home."
"Are you even interested?"
"not foster care...forever placement."
"group HOME."
I remember telling her I'd talk to The Hero. I promised I'd pray about it. But deep in my heart, I already knew the answer: Of course we were interested. Our family's goal isn't Ethiopia, or fostering, or even really adoption. Our goal is to be who and what and where HE is asking us to be. To whomever He is asking us to be that to.
The Hero never blinked when I printed off the packet of information. He nodded and we prayed and we confronted our kids about an older brother. They were elated. And so here we are. Several visits into our integration process and the newest member of our family who will be living here primarily in the next few weeks.
We do believe our road will lead us to Ethiopia again for adoption. The Angel is certain of it. She also consistently reminds me now that we girls are out numbered. But to see the face of what is to be our newest son and say no was not something any of us could do.
I'm sorry that I kept the secret from you all so long. There is still much we are not allowed to say. Adoption is never beautiful all the way around. There is loss and grief and pain. Transition and belonging and acceptance. But never in my life do I see Christ loving me more fully than when we accept a child into our family just as they are. Isn't that what He did for us? Accept us in the broken pieces to go there with us through the ugly and the dark, only to turn around and do it all again the next day? It's why I love Jesus. As He love me in all my failures to be there and then be back again each morning, again and anew. There and back again. There and back yet again. Day after day.
Please join us in prayer. There are so many unknowns yet for our little family. Payments for costs we have not yet seen, hurts we have not yet encountered, legal hurdles to be moved and we will need your love and support every step of the way.
So that's what we can tell you. We haven't fallen off the earth the last two month. We've just been going down the road to home. And now back again.
